He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
