she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
