In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
