and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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