yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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