She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize