They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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