arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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