The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
