You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
