He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
