Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i love accidental penises.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
