Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
