I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
