david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize