Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
