Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
