i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
