Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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