Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
