we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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