You really coming over, don't trick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
