WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
