i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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