I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
