her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
