Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
