Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
