My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
