the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
