not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
