Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
