Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
