I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Shame - the story of my life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
