i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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