I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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