I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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