Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm too high and old for this...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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