I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
