Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize