She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
