Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize