ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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