I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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