so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
