he told me I talked like a deaf person
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
3 2 1 whiskey
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize