I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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