I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize