We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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