I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
