I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
