your parents love me but you hate me
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize