Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
