Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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