So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
