come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
