I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
