First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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