At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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