Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
