Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
