Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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