i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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