Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
