i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
