therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
