I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize