You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
