It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
