Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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